Let me see if I can catch you up...
Friday November 18th:
Surgery day, spent the morning in the beautiful hospital gowns they hand out, curled under a blanket waiting to walk to the operating room. That was an odd feeling.
The hallways leading to the room were cold, kind of dark, sterile sinks lined the walls at every doorway.
There was a hub of activity going on in my operating room, they were calling out all the instructions of what they were going to do, going through instruments, I was put up on the bed, strapped down, arms out, electrodes put on my chest, mask put over my face and the relaxation started. A few deep breaths and I was out.
I remember waking up somewhere, probably post op and I had pain all through my torso. Writhing but afraid to move kind of pain. That and I was groggy and dopey that I had no clue what the hell was happening, I just wanted to sleep, but couldn't because of the pain. I wanted to crawl out of my body so I could rest.
The trip from post op to my room took a nasty turn when the bed hit a bump going into the elevator, crypes, I wanted scream, but didn't. Maybe I should have, scared the shit out of the two fellows wheeling me around.
Got up to my room and was able to see Dad and Paula, no clue what time it was, I just know the room I was put into it was dark outside the window. I tried to make small talk with Dad and Paula, to reassure them that I was okay, but FUCK I hurt, and my throat was so raw, I then the nurse, sweet thing, gave me morphine. The kicker, I had to pee, but the thought of crawling out of bed to walk to the bathroom scared me, the pain I knew would be intense. I couldn't wait any longer, finally got up, made it to the bathroom only to have the edge of my gown fall in the toilet and get soaked. Fished it out, managed to sit down and then the spins started. My skin went clammy and I knew if I tried to stand, I'd just find myself laying on the floor passed out. Same thing happened when I had my gallbladder out, almost passed out on the first trip to pee. My poor mom put cold cloths on my neck and forehead and called a nurse. We needed to use a wheel chair to get back to my bed then. But this time I didn't have mom. So I sat there for quite some time, tried to breathe, and then sucked it up and made my way back to bed.
Somehow I made it through the night, I'm sure there was lots of moaning and my throat was so raw I couldn't speak or barely swallow and only being allowed sips of fluids just didn't seem to help take the rawness away. But I made it.
Since that night the pain in my stomach has gotten less and less, sitting up from a horizontal position isn't as difficult or painful any more and today, six days after surgery, there is hardly any pain at all.
What I now deal with is dizziness and weakness. I can't get up fast, or stay standing for too long or I'll start to sway and things will spin. But I go outside for walks at least twice a day, I use my walking stick for support, I take things slow, I walk to a picnic table and then sit for a short time, then walk back home again.
Eating is slow, which is good, its what is suppose to be, I still get the urge to gulp down large quantities of water, I wake up very thirsty, but I force myself to take it slow.
I'm following all the recommended instructions, trying to get my protein in like I should, and I follow the colour of my urine to make sure I'm drinking enough.
I'm not allowing myself to rush anything, to worry that I'm on a schedule, I'm just letting it happen. I like that. It feels right.
Now that I'm six days post surgery, my brain has been clear enough to let me type all of this. But now, I'm going to lay down again, its time for my morning session of being horizontal. I probably won't sleep, but I've got 3 good books on the go, so I'll continue reading one of those.
Hope you're all well.
H
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