Searching for Passion

For the last 6 months my focus has been all about the surgery, preparing my mind, my spirit and my body for what is to come. Now that I've been through it, I need to find a new focus.

For years it was pottery, but I went back to that and didn't have the same kind of passion for it. My photography is on going.

But I need to find some new hobbies to ignite my passions again.

seems to be apropos that it's time for New Years Resolutions.

Hiccups au ju

Its been a while since my last post, but I can't seem to organize my thoughts into a neat package. So I apologize if this post goes all over the place.

Now that the incisions have healed and there is no internal pain to remind me that I've had surgery, I'm forgetting that I've actually been altered, so my mind is still working like it used to What I mean is, I still think I can eat a normal amount of food, or I still think I can go out and buy fast food. But I just have to take one bite of anything, even a swallow of water and I am quickly reminded that all is not the same as it once was.

It's been a month since my surgery, my mental workings are not going to change over night. As with anything relating to food where I'm concerned, it will be a life long struggle to figure this all out. There will be good days and there will be challenging days ahead, but its all for good.

As I close in on week 4, I can open my pantry to new items, as with week 2 I have started into the next phase a bit early. I tried salad last night, not sure if it was the salad or the few fries I ate or the fact I had full on chicken - or maybe a combo of all three, but "G" didn't want anything to do with it all and proceeded to exorcise herself of all that I gave her.

As my dad said, at least I know the cause for the vomiting and its not something that I need to be worried about. (Like maybe having the stomach flu or some viral infection) Plus I think the next few months will be littered with days like yesterday, especially as I learn what "G" likes and doesn't like. All new relationships are filled with hiccups (oh, I get those a lot too), so why shouldn't this one be.

A few things that I've discovered this week -

• one of my most favourite bras will not be wearable much longer, when I lay down while wearing it, it practically falls off. The girls are swimming in it. Of course its my only sporty bra, but I'm not ready to go out and buy another just yet.
• a pair of jeans that were always too long, well now they're too baggy, so that makes them even longer, today will be the last day I wear them. I could probably turn myself around in them without much effort.
• so far most of the weight I've lost is very noticable in my face/neck, in my back and for me in my chest. I am losing from the top down, lets home I get clearance from the surgeon next week to start a bit more sweat producing exercise so I can work on the lower half in the new year.

The other thing I need to keep reminding myself of is that it has only been a month since I had the surgery.

I'm losing about 5lbs a week, which doesn't seem like much as

I lost about 10lbs a week when I was on the liquid diet.

But 5lbs a week is a nice speed, it will hopefully help my head catch up to what is

going on with my body.

Until next time.

H

Getting to know "G"

I have a new friend, her name is "G", short for gurgle.

I've named my pouch G, because she is constantly gurgling. Its a very weird sensation, it doesn't feel like gas with the need to burp, it doesn't feel like indigestion where there is burning.

It is a very hard to explain how it feels as it is a very new sensation for me. There is a heaviness in my throat, like a cork that stops any food from going down.

So when the gurgling starts, I can't eat, I have to wait for it to pass and that can take a long time.

Welcome to my life G, I'm sure we'll be spending lots of time together.

H

Recall message

That last post made me sound ungrateful and paranoid, ignore it, was just having a sensitive day.

The Good and the Bad...

There are many good and many bad things about people knowing you've had surgery.

Good - you get lots of support, encouragement and you always have someone to talk to when things get rough.

Bad - people watch you eat, question your decisions, eye you up and down looking to see if you've lost weight.

The good far outweigh the bad and for now I have to try not to be so sensitive about things and just do what I feel is right, but some days are better then others.

Being Prepared

I think much of my problem this week is I haven't been prepared, so I'm eating when I'm hungry, instead of eating right before I get hungry. Sounds odd, but if I wait until I'm hungry then I rush, so its too late.

So today I am going to cook, which is what I've been looking forward to for weeks now. Plus its a perfect rainy day to put some music on, warm the house up with savoury smells and get creative.

Dinner anyone?